Writing Well

I have a friend who may read this and if so, I hope he forgives me for making an object out of him.

My friend and I shoot a lot of pool.  We’re getting on well enough that we confidently enter pool halls knowing, in all likely-hood, we’ll be the best players there.  Of course, our confidence varies depending on the establishment (there are degrees of sophistication among American pool halls).

Something about my friend’s style irks me.  He never reflects on his errors.  He will shoot over and over, doing the same thing be it wrong or right.  His consistency amazes me, and I envy him that, but why is there never a moment of self-conscious reflection?!

I’m a hypocrite because I do the same thing in my writing.

How can I get any better if I don’t try?

So, dear readers (all two or three of you, including the unfortunate surfer who stumbled here by accident) indulge me in a quick evaluation of my progress as a writer.

I have no formal learning.  Government school was a joke.  I’m lucky to have escaped with my fingers, let alone the knowledge of how to pen my thoughts.  But providence saved me from a voiceless fate.  On a whim, I purchased William Zinsser’s book “On Writing Well” and it has benefited me in the absence of formal training.

His logic rings true, but unfortunately, is exceedingly dry.  I can only pick up the book during odd moments of inspiration.  This is God’s fault for creating boring, yet necessary subjects and Zinsser does a great job with his.

“Writing is hard work!” says Zinsser!

Breaking habits is also hard work, (according to Shotgun’s experience).

So:

50 push-ups Shot, for every one of these, “…” (arbitrary ellipses).

Also, the following words are to be stricken from your vocabulary until further notice:

“furthermore”

“thus”

“additionally”

“subsequently”

“perhaps”

and also the word “such” when used in the following ways:

“Shotgun’s writing is such that it grates on the average nerve.”

or

“Shotgun had never seen such lazy flamingos.”

You have over-used them and must learn to do without.

While engaging in this manner, split infinitives and dangling participles will be hard to really give up while also eating shoots and leaves quickly.

That is to say, I’ll try to work on my grammar as well, though I can’t make promises.

So, I task you all to keep me on track.

I’ll make it even more interesting by committing to 50 push-ups for every misspelling as well as for every use of “…” excepting the two used so far, of course (they were examples).

I managed to curb my profanity this way while serving in an F-14 squadron and I hope to likewise abolish bad writing habits.

Keep me on my toes and if any of you have further suggestions, critiques, or comments…please share.

Oh heck!  Guess that’s my first 50 push-ups?