A Letter to Mr. Bertram From His Daughter Maria

Forgive me my dear father for not writing sooner. A most scandalous and ill-natured rumor has reached my ears, and I write to inquire as to the truth of it. I’ve heard tell from the servants, as well as from correspondence with my dear sister Julia, that you disapprove of my relationship with Mr. Crawford. I’m sure that I’ve heard wrong, and a day or two will clear up the matter. I eagerly anticipate your response and hope that it will alleviate my suffering. I’m so certain that it would since no father of mine would be so muddle-headed as to deny the wisdom of love.

It’s true father, Mr. Crawford has won my heart in ways my husband Mr. Rushworth never could have. Mr. Rushworth is dry, and uninteresting. He glides about on whims of fancy that shock even Julia (who, as we both know, is disposed to imaginations.) And father, I don’t want you feeling as if your judgment has been defied in the marriage, or that your previous consent is being scorned in some way. This is far from the truth and I’ve attempted to absolve you of this burden by sneaking out of Sotherton with Mr. Crawford as quietly as possible. I trust that my comings and goings were observed by no one other than perhaps the maidservant.

More ways to help with my suffering should not be wanting father, if I know anything of your virtue. I’ve heard something more from Julia, this concerning Fanny Price, who I am to understand, is currently visiting her parents in Portsmouth. In her comparison of our two houses, I heard that she’s alluded to Dr. Johnson’s celebrated judgment as to matrimony and celibacy, saying that “though Mansfield Park might have some pains, Portsmouth could have no pleasures.” Is not this a shame father? Portsmouth is of the lower classes and I wouldn’t want Fanny being accused of racism! Can we condone her thinking more highly of Mansfield Park than of Portsmouth? I realize that this must be a painful revelation father, and I highlight it only because I know how dear Fanny is to you. I want you to know that I am also aware of how well you approve of Mr. Crawford and now you can rest knowing that I have saved him from the love of a possible racist!

I long to be at home with Mr. Crawford and I hope this letter finds your sentiments in my favor without delay. In terms of my finances, Mr. Crawford has seen to my comfort, though I could wish for thirty extra pounds, and I know how you would fret if I were not comfortable, and so I mention here only briefly (in order to lessen your angst father.) I remain forever, and truly yours. – Maria

What a Cute and True Clip!

Demolish My School!!!

Now…THIS little girl has the right idea!

Bahnsen Rap?

This had me ROLLING this morning!

How hilarious?

It’s a rap about Christian apologist Dr. Greg Bahnsen.  I hope the author does eventually do a youtube clip of this.

http://skepticalstudies.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-lighter-side-of-debate.html

God Bless The Comedian!

Thanks to the free markets, competition, and largely to YouTube, we freedom lovers have hope that the coming storm of tyranny will not go unchallenged!

This clip contains some harsh language, but it is so great that I had to post it.  Comedian John Stewart hits the nail directly on the head!

Additionally, see Don Harrold’s reaction.  He says that Stewart was far too soft on Jim Cramer.  Don does us all a favor by going through and highlighting many of the embarrassments produced by Cramer’N”Chief.

Does God Understand Economics?

Apparently not:

Recent issues of Charisma magazine have reported on two relatively new phenomena associated with this “revival” — gold fillings miraculously appearing in people’s mouths and “glory gold dust” appearing on faces, hands, and clothing. Both of these “miracles” have been reported by the Toronto Airport Church pastored by John Arnott, as well as by many other churches associated with the “revival.” http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/miraclegold.htm

I keep hearing about this big “revival” going on down in Florida, and the other day, I actually heard that God was handing out gold down there!

Imagine that…

How wise and benevolent is a God that would increase the supply of gold, causing it to subsequently, decrease in value?

Beats me, but hey…if you’re lying on the floor after getting slain in the spirit, does it really matter?

(Oh, and for anyone wondering, I do not advocate images of Christ. The God described by these “laughing revival folks” is no more “God” than the man in the above image.)

Funniest Clip I’ve Seen in a Long Time

Since all this “Vice President” Palin garbage has been circulating, I’ve begun seeing clips about Pentacostal, and extreme Charismatic Christians. 

This is just plain out NOT the gospel of Christ, and I’ve come to the conclusion, that the organizations (NOT the people) need to be ridiculed as often as possible.  The foolishness of such beliefs must be brought to light.

This clip…while not the most scholarly of critiques, nevertheless captures the frustration I feel when viewing clips of “crazy Christians” out there in the world.

Gosh…this had me ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING!!!!!!! 

Warning!!! There is some harsh language at the end of the clip.

Another Southern Mockery

This is so hilarious, I just had to share it with you guys!

“Ohhh what a litter of pickaninnies she has!!”

What is so great about this “mockumentary” is that, while they intend to be very slanderous and disrespectful to the South, they end up making some knee slappingly hilarious commercials.

COMCAST cable offered this IFC film “On Demand” and a buddy and I watched it.  We couldn’t stop laughing!

While the makers of this film are completely ignorant of the issues involved in the war, the documentary is worth watching, just to laugh at the commercials they put in there.

Grease Explosion!!!!!!

!!!WARNING!!!  (Please avoid the same stupid mistake that I made!!)

For anyone who read my “Lye Soap and Freedom” article, you’ll know that I’ve recently been making my own soap.

Well, as in all things, patience is a virtue.

This is especially true with soap making.  I, like the big dummy that I am, had to find this out the hard way.

You see, I had decided to make a batch of soap, right as a good ol mid-summer storm began blowing in.

Eventually, my power started flickering, and soon an entire circuit in my apartment went down.  I lost power to the fridge and microwave, as well as to the electric sparks that ignite my gas oven.

I had already added the lye to my water, and was determined to carry on, despite the setbacks.

I set up some lamps, and manually lighted my gas oven.

Unfortunately, I lost track of time, and let my grease cook for far too long.  It was well over 120 degrees.

My lye was at the correct temperature, but my grease was far too hot.

Normally, I would just pop the pot into the freezer for a few minutes, but I didn’t know how long the power to my fridge would be out, so I crossed off that option.  My next plan was to set the pot of grease in the sink and run cold water on it until it cooled down.  The problem was, the sink was full of other dirty soap making utensils (as well as utensils from dinner that evening…)  I didn’t feel like cleaning all that out (I was in a soap making frenzy) plus, running cold water over the pot would take waaaay to long!

It was then that I came up with a brilliant idea!!!

“Why don’t I just pour some really cold water into the grease???”

As soon as the water hit the grease, it began hissing, and boiling…then popping, then BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My recipe calls for 2 cups of grease.  Both cups were sent flying in all directions all over my kitchen.

Luckily, I have catlike reflexes, and dove behind a wall, or I could have been seriously hurt.

Now I have one heck of a mess to clean up.

On the bright side of this whole thing…I had fun running, and diving across the kitchen floor!!

The moral here:

Be patient when making soap!!!!

Little Girl Runs from President Bush

This was so hilarious, I just had to post it. 

Seems like this little girl knows more about President Bush than most Americans.

http://www.faniq.com/blog/Video-President-Bush-Makes-Little-Girl-Run-Off-Crying-At-White-House-TBall-Game-Blog-10338