
Even us champions of old Europe must slog away on Satan’s plantation, especially during the holidays. Accordingly, I was obliged to drive to Mississippi a few days before Thanksgiving for a bit of work-related training. I was first to arrive but soon after, a straight-backed white lad came strolling in. He poured me a cup of coffee and handed it to me, indicating his willingness to start a conversation. So we began to chat…
Let’s call him Bobby: he had a bright-eyed optimism I found odd. No government-school kid was this. He didn’t seem beaten down by the world; instead, he had the naive-openness of a homeschooler. He said he was from Tyler Texas. I chuckled a little and asked if he knew Gary North.
(For my readers not in the know, I have an unfortunate ideological pedigree – I “came of intellectual age” in the midst of the rabidly-Reformed, Christian Reconstructionist crowd, of whom Gary North was a major figure. His writings on theology, economics, and strict adherence to God’s law, were formative for me before I was able to heal from them – a process I’m still undergoing.)
He laughed. Yes! He had heard of North. “He organized a confederate flag rally in Tyler once, and I got to be a part of it!” (I wonder what Joel – worship the minority and hate the white man – McDurmon would think of that?)
At any-rate, this was something I could work with! I already liked the guy – I’m attracted to eccentrics, always hoping to find a fellow traveler. We began discussing the confederacy. He found out I was a Navy vet and began spitting out knowledge of past battles and famous gun-ships. We got on marvelously the entire week.
The kid was different – outgoing and boisterous when us government-schoolers were taciturn and hesitant for fear of ridicule. Everyone had their machismo shields up. Not so my new friend. When called on to re-enact a scene in front of the class, he hopped up and performed with all the emotional gusto of a stage actor. He shouted and hemmed and hawed as the role required. There were nervous chuckles from the rest of us. “Get a load of this guy…”
Later in the week, and after having earned some small respect from the boss, I was given the keys to the van and tasked with chauffeur duties. This guy had to go here, that guy had to go there, and so on. Soon, all had been ferried to their destination but a burly old black guy and my friend. Both were due at the bus station for an early-morning departure.
After a long conversation, the guy casually mentioned having traveled to California as a “Christian missionary.” The meaning of this didn’t hit me directly and I said if anywhere in America needed Christian missionaries, it was California. He then clarified that he was part of the Latter Day Saints church. That did it for me. Everything clicked into place; his odd demeanor, his eccentricity, all of it.
And once we were alone in the van, the two of us and the black guy, his unusual faith played another hand:
“Ya know what I really like about Mississippi?” he asked…though, obviously directing the question to the black guy in the back. “All the beautiful black women!” He said this with enthusiasm. “I’m really glad I met my wife before coming here, or I’d go crazy! So many beautiful sisters!” He kept going on and on about it. Anyone affiliated with the “Alternative Right” would recognize this as a clumsy attempt at virtue signaling. He was desperately trying to communicate his “open-minded” and progressive views to the black guy in the back.
I looked back at the black guy and he looked at me and we both just grinned and shook our heads. “Get a load of this guy…”
“MmmmMmmm…I love me some sisters. They’re so beautiful here!”
I dropped the black guy off with well-wishes then my Mormon friend and I left to his bus-station. On the way, his wife rang up and I was privy to their phone conversation.
Now, please forgive me for what follows dear readers; maybe it’s because I was far from home during the Thanksgiving holiday, or maybe it was my annoyance with the guy’s well-meaning but disastrous religion, or maybe it’s a good amount of the devil in me, but…
…I leaned over close, while he was on the phone with his wife, and said, in my best negress voice: “Bobby…who dat is? Who you talkin’ to? Dat a woman? You say I was the only one fo’ you! Bobby???”
Unknown to me, this was a sore-spot for his wife, who erupted on the other end. I could hear her screams! “Who the [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] is that?!?!” she shouted. For the next ten minutes, he desperately engaged in damage control, pleading with her to believe him that there were no women in Mississippi she had to compete with. He was adamant that she was his only love. And just when she had calmed, I hit him again…
“Bobby…who dat is?!”
I wished him well at the bus terminal and asked if he needed anything before I left. I got a “no” and a frosty goodbye.
~ mmmmhmmm…snap, snap, head bob ~