Are you reading this while sitting alone in your house? Do you have a big frown on your face? Are you tired of asking God day in and day out for happiness, and not getting it?
Friend, if you can answer yes to any of the above questions, then “Make Believe Worship” is just the thing for you! I can promise that all of your deepest, innermost needs will be met, and what’s more, “Make Believe Worship” will provide you with a direct connection to “him” for only the small price of one hundred and fifty bucks a month, (funds will be used to pay the worship leader).
Interested individuals will be delighted to know that thousands of Christians across this great nation have invested in “Make Believe Worship”, and the results have been fantastic. Churches that began with ten people now number in the thousands! Churches that used to be bogged down with boring doctrine and negative sermons find that through using “Make Believe Worship” they no longer need such things. Isn’t that wonderful?
I will provide you with all the knowledge you will need for your own “Make Believe Worship” time. I am confident that once you see and feel the results of “Make Believe Worship” for yourself, you’ll never want to stop worshipping “him”, and you certainly will never want to go back to your old boring worship.
The first, and most essential thing you MUST do for “Make Believe Worship” is pretend that you don’t have “his” word anymore. This step is hard for some of the older people in the church to accept, and if they decide that they don’t want to “make believe” with you, it might be best to just pretend that they aren’t there either.
Now, once “his” word is gone, you must “make believe” something else in it’s place. For “Make Believe Worship” we usually recommend two things. First, a really good book called “The Purpose Driven Life” by Pastor Rick Warren, and second, really upbeat and rocking “Praise and worship” music.
At this point, it is highly recommended that if you are still singing those boring old hymns, that you stop immediately. It is really hard to keep on pretending when you have songs that make you think, and demand conclusions. These hymns require you to realize what you’re actually singing about. Once realization occurs, you then have to accept any emotion that transpires from this realization (be it good or bad). You don’t want anymore bad feelings now do you?
Those of us involved in “Make Believe Worship” think that the whole process of realization is just much too slow. That’s why I so strongly recommend these upbeat and rocking “praise and worship” songs. Never again will you be hasseled with having to think through to some obscure conclusion. Never again will you have to wait in line for your good feelings. They will come automatically.
For the best “Make Believe Worship” results, a praise band is also needed. Once you have a praise band, then you can have them play all the “praise and worship” songs for your church. Using the piano is ok as a last resort, however, the more electrified instruments the praise band has, and the louder the praise band is, the better. Praise bands make “Make Believe Worship” all the more easier because all you have to do is sit back and pretend that you are taking part somehow in their worship.
For “Make Believe Worship” to work properly, a good “Worship Leader” will be needed to guide “Make Believe Worship” time. It’s important to realize that your worship leader has to be paid; I mean what kind of true gift is free? Try and find someone who is young, single, and somewhat attractive. This is important because the worship leader usually determines whether or not someone will come back to your “Make Believe Worship”.
The “Worship Leader” is not only useful for retaining visitors to your “Make Believe Worship”; he also provides a direct path to “him” just for you. That’s right, for only one hundred and fifty bucks a month; YOU can have direct access to God through your worship leader. Feeling guilty about the blood of Christ will never have to bother you again. The atmosphere created by a good worship leader and the feelings he provokes during your “Make Believe Worship” time, are all you really need to bring you close to God. Just try it and see!
As you can clearly see, friend, “Make Believe Worship” is ideal for anyone, especially YOU. Who would want to actually worship “him” when you can pretend just as easily? Who would want to feel bad about themselves or be convicted of any wrong doing when happiness and joy are so easily grasped? Who would want to run the risk of being laughed at by the world for being different? For that matter, who would want to reject the world at all? If you don’t want to be labeled a dirty old fundamental conservative then I highly recommend “Make Believe Worship”. Join me today, I promise; it will make you feel good!
From: Your Pal