Domo Arigato Mr. Apologo


“There is not a truth existing which I fear or would wish unknown to the whole world.” – Thomas Jefferson

Little girls across the nation are elated to discover their Biblical superpower! Playing the piano is a wonderful skill. God needs piano players after all. Many little boys can’t contain their grins the day they first pick up a hammer and use it for God!  The church needs carpenters as well!

From lawn-mowers and babysitters, to carpenters and piano players, Christian people grow into their gifts with righteousness and smug self approval following close behind. Oh how blessed is the American church!

But, infrequently, something goes drastically wrong! The angel that delivers Christian gifts is blown off course. That morning, an unfortunate child runs downstairs, flings open the front door, and on the porch, wrapped in a basket…is not the gift of piano playing, carpentry, or lawn mowing, but rather, something sinister, something terrible! They find the gift of apologetics!

There is no servant more hated than the apologist. Doomed to care for people that will despise him, the apologist roams web forums and chatrooms, looking for the chance to publicly defend the faith. A righteous anger burns within him when he hears falsehoods bandied about as truth…when the Christian God is painted as a joke, and Christ is spoken of in blasphemous terms! Indeed, he looks forward to the confrontation! When he’s not engaged in verbal battle, he is studying, preparing…always preparing. Honing his skills in order to best defeat the next principality.

The rulers of the air…foul beings who inhabit the high-places…they fear the apologist! Unfortunately, so do well meaning brothers and sisters in Christ who consider Christianity to be nothing more than “huggle-pouncing” and constant quotes from meaningless contemporary praise songs. These lambs fear any voice other than the messianic state (ruled by the powers of the air.) They spit at, curse, and despise the apologist, because their hearts are hardened against the truth. (The apologist is not a robot, without emotion.) Any honest pursuit of truth is a threat! It’s best to keep the average Christian’s mind addled by emotional fluff sold en mass from Christian book stores across the nation. They simply don’t want to hear certain truths!

But there is a small light breaking through the clouds…shining down hope onto the browbeaten apologist. When one sincere lamb of God opens her heart to Christ, and sees the beauty inherent in the service provided by Mr. Apologist, thanks will pour forth. It’s a glorious sound. A precursor to the honor and acceptance these forlorn warriors will receive in paradise. Upon hearing it…the Apologist, of any denomination, from any theological tradition…cannot help but smile.

Thank you very much (o) Mr. Apologist (o) for doing the jobs, that no body wants to.

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