“Oh my brother, are you weary
Of the roughness of the way?
Does your strength begin to fail you
And your vigor to decay?
Farther on. Still go farther.
Count the milestones, one by one.
Jesus will forsake you never.
It is better, farther on.”
Despite my rugged, handsome exterior (heh), I have a sensitive side. And it’s this side of me that’s taken the most damage by those calling themselves Christians (especially the Calvinist variety). I’ll explain:
This week, I’ve caused yet another row with a Calvinist community whom, until now, I thought I was in good standing with. An older mestizo man, claiming to be a teacher in a Presbyterian church, in typical Calvinist fashion, was insulting and berating a poor non-Calvinist Christian. He carried on like this for days.
I approached the man (in a Facebook group) and said he was embarrassing the name of Christ and that the more learned Christians ought to bear with the failings of others.
He was so offended a gringo dared correct him, he immediately dug into my background, discovered the word “Kinist” and went on a rampage against me. The original discussion having been forgotten, he and numerous cronies, called me every vile name they could think of.
I’m a worm. I’m Hell-bound. I’m a coward. I’m a racist. I’m a supremacist. I’m a liar. And most tellingly, according to them, I’m “refuse”, not worthy of being spoken to.
In my Bible reading that night, I read 1 Corinthians and was reminded that the Apostle Paul was also considered “refuse” at one point. The apostles were wretches of the Kingdom. Fools for Christ.
I’m no apostle though. I can’t help being greatly discouraged by all of these insults. I’ve devoted my entire academic life to defending the Kingdom, doing apologetics, and trying to aid struggling Christians against the attacks of Satan’s hoard of demonic intellectuals. I have so much to share with these people – and they throw it all back in my face.
When so many people who claim the title “Christian” tell me I’m Hell-bound, I can’t help wondering (in my lowest moments) if maybe they’re right? What if I really am a wretch, bound for Hell? What if their utopian, negro-worshiping religion is really God’s religion? Can so many be wrong and so few right? Is the path really so narrow?
On top of being rejected by the Church, there’s the daily humiliations and trials a white man has to face in Satania – all of which are represented abundantly in my life.
I could easily deal with all of it if it weren’t for the oppressive loneliness. And it’s not just loneliness, it’s ostracization. It’s being an outlaw…or more properly: an outcast.
Thank God for the internet, where I can reach out to the like minded, read their material, and realize that we’re all going through similar struggles.
I think of you all – those who read this blog…and am constantly uplifted. I think on Christ. I read the old European literature. I find solitary and beautiful places to go and pour out my heart to the King of Wretches.
And it’s then I know I’m right and the whole world (excepting a small number of us) is wrong. It’s then I clearly see these “Reformed” folk as spittle-flinging zealots, foaming in their rage and adamant in their hatred for the God who made Himself one with a particular people.
Let God be true and *every* man a liar.
We few are going…farther and farther on. Not even the grave will stop us. We’re eternal; beings of glory. Ours is the spirit, the water, and the blood!