In response to the recent movie “Dear White People”, I decided to, in turn, reach out to the black community with a few helpful tips, bits of advice, and comments:
– The left lane is for PASSING!!! Not poking along!!!
– Just because she’s got blonde hair and blue eyes, does *not* mean she belongs to you or that you’re entitled to her.
– We whites have a healthy amount of introspection, so don’t be upset when we don’t shout a greeting at you from 20 feet away.
– If a white person breaks eye contact with you on the highway or in a parking lot, it doesn’t mean that you’ve dominated some impromptu masculinity contest.
– You do *NOT* need to listen to blaring rap music while pumping your gas.
– Also, your thoroughly annoying mega bass always exceeds your personal space thereby subtracting from the value of ours. (H/T Scott Ash).
– The green light means go not wait till it turns yellow. (H/T R.W.).
– We like sturdy, sensible boots and may wear them multiple days in a row. In fact, we may only have the one pair of footwear, except for our dress shoes or tennis shoes (used on their respective occasions). We do *not* need to wear different pairs of gaudy, colorful shoes everyday. Swapping shoes and outfits is what our women do, not our men. That’s not a part of our culture. Deal with it, please.
– Please stop shouting at each other across the parking lot. If you want to have a conversation with a friend, approach him or her until you’re close enough to communicate at a normal volume. We don’t all need to be included in your conversation, however exciting it may be.
– Just because white people are congregating somewhere, be it in a housing development, country club, or private school, doesn’t mean you have a right to hop in a car with Jesse Jackson and come crash our event. We’d appreciate some privacy and a little breathing room please.
– You can make various noises with your mouth? An interesting skill, but doesn’t entitle you to fame or wealth. Sorry.
– PULL YOUR PANTS UP! No one wants to see your underwear!
I’m sure the list of kind recommendations could continue. To properly reciprocate the movie, we’d have to come up with at least two hours worth of advice to blacks.
I open the remainder to my readers. Contributions welcome.