An Almost MidNight Musing…

pelican

I’m a bad Calvinist for saying this but I’ve had a run of bad luck lately.  In fact, I’m at a low point in life.  When I was in the military, there towards the end, I was making more than both my parents combined.  I lived in a large apartment overlooking the Potomac.  I had an abundant savings.  Life was good.

But I had grown with many new convictions and decided I couldn’t serve in the military with a good conscience.  So instead of renewing my enlistment, I got out and moved back to Carolina.  Since then my life has spiraled downward until almost everything has been taken from me.  (Loss of respect is worse than loss of material goods).

Go-lucky evangelicals remind me to thank God for the little He’s left me.  Their point is readily granted but I sometimes get the feeling they’re unable to empathize.  Telling a man on the ledge of a skyscraper to “cheer up, chap!  Remember what you still have!” is borderline insulting.

Hedonism is a coward’s suicide.  In my darker moments, I’ve thought of spiraling into it while hoping for a noble death.  Maybe I could jump in front of a gunman or swerve into a drunk driver to save a school bus?

I’m not at that point yet, readers.  I’ve been driven to my knees in prayer though.  At least, metaphorically.

I drove to one of my favorite locales today.  I wanted to watch the full moon rise over the Atlantic while asking God for relief.  While praying, a beautiful pelican – he must have had a four-foot wing span – emerged over the dunes and flew right at me.

“Hark! A sign!” I thought.

He flew low, directly over me, and as I stared at his belly, he unloaded his bowels all over my forehead.

God had spoken.

Luckily the beach access had a decent bath-house and I washed myself.  But I can’t wash away the feeling God has abandoned this country and its people.  We’re damned, all of us, and rightly so.

…is there any grace left for those who still look to Him for guidance?

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10 Responses to An Almost MidNight Musing…

  1. lazarusnorth says:

    Our old pagan forebears used to make a big deal of birds flying by at critical moments. I’m not superstitious, but a if a pelican pooped on my head at a moment like that… I’d find it troubling. Calvinists don’t believe in coincidences, after all.

    I don’t really like spilling my guts on the internet, but I’ve got to say, I’m sympathetic to your plight. I also abandoned my career for reasons of conscience, in addition to relinquishing a prospective marriage, and since then I’ve met with an almost absurd number of setbacks. Seemingly well-laid plans, continually going awry.

    Things could still get worse (though I hope they don’t!), but lately I’ve been pretty low as well.

  2. John A. Snyder says:

    Shotgun / Lazarus…. You’re not alone…. There were 7,000 who did not bend their knee to Baal. You’ve just picked up a prayer partner in me.
    God Bless

  3. Hans Gygax says:

    This is a good reading to start my day; a confession of where we are really at (honesty with God) and prayer as the solution, as we encourage one another. I am blessed to see this, brothers.

  4. I understand your plight, Shotgun. You are a romantic, and us romantics have a hard time being motivated in a world so devoid of beauty and virtue. The temptation to surrender to hedonism is great, but that is giving the enemy what it desires. No sir, it’s best to fight. Fight for your principles and don’t destroy yourself in the name of black despair. Rise, my friend, for God has not forsaken us just yet!

    By the way, aren’t you certified in a skilled trade?

    • Thank you Ransom – and yes, I am, although there’s a paradox: entry level jobs require experience, but experience requires entry level jobs. Further, my trade would have me as a military contractor and if I take that sort of job then I may as well not have gotten out of the military in the first place. I’m better off hungry than morally inept; at least, that’s what Aaron Tippin teaches in all of his songs.

  5. Alan J. Perrick says:

    Did it smell like fish?

  6. Steve says:

    Have to add my two cents worth….I left a very decent nursing job in Wisconsin to let grandma get near our grandkids. The look on her face that evening after her “bad day at work” made me realize that life is too short. So we made the decision to move to Texas and be closer to the 6 g’kids. I have to admit; since we moved here I haven’t hit my stride. I’m angry, I hate the idea of work and I’ve become reclusive. I realize that God sometimes lets you make decisions that on the surface don’t make sense. The move has certainly been one of those decisions. But, I guess I should take this opportunity to seek Him and what His will really is for me. Maybe some day…..
    Steve

  7. Fr. John+ says:

    I, too, have been brought rather low lately. Not renewed for next year at the school where I have worked for a number of years to raise the level of my discipline, the ‘head’ doesn’t ‘get’ what I do, is OCD, and micro-managing, without any advanced degrees, and was only a Niggerball coach before he became Principal… (yeah, don’t even GO there!) and so HE thinks that entitled brats of white suburbanites should have 5000 ‘electives’ (including every #$%^ sport known to man) … so, only the hard-core kids take my classes… and somehow, it’s my fault that we have lowered enrollment in my discipline, just as they have added yet one more sport, after another, after another – while spending millions on tennis courts, and not one dime on my area?! The utter shallowness, insensitivity, and cultic atmosphere at this ‘Xtian school’ after my shoddy treatment became known, has opened my eyes that God IS slowly, inexorably making those who care for Him and His kingdom first, to have ALL supports taken away, in order to lean on Him, alone.

    Your comments and analysis is about the fifth instance of believers I’ve reead in as many weeks, of White Men who know the score, finding themselves driven (practically) into a ‘hiding place’ mentality by unforeseen circumstances (i.e., GOD). My wife, colleagues, and others in the professional community think my job treatment by this ‘head’ is unconscionable, so I know I’m not alone in my assessment of the wrong done me. But we’re losing benefits (luckily, we can go back to the wife’s jobs’ plan) and a second salary. I’m also getting the distinct feeling I need to become an expat, and leave this land…but where, how? Meanwhile, the $ of gold is going up, and up, and….

    Obummer is PURPOSEFULLY sending G-D Moslems (and Blacks) to places like White-A-ho, and ruining our economy, and it appears that Europe is engaging in a death wish of monstrous proportions with their ‘save a boatload of niggers’ mentality- in short, the destruction of only WHITE LANDS. So, where to go? It truly does appear as if an Armageddon/Camp of the Saints is happening… and it can only happen with God’s elective permission, so I know it’s judgment, and not grace at work. Or is it corrective grace to bring us to our knees, only to enable us eventually to rise up, and ‘drive back the paynim foe’? Heck, after Ferguson and Burnitmore, we have enough of the damn foe right in our own back yard!

    But I will say, sitting under ANY Bird is tempting Fate… or the Lord. However you look at it.
    God bless you.

  8. KGeorge says:

    That wasn’t a message from the Lord, Shotgun. That was the devil, trying to trick you into thinking that God Has Abandoned you. He hasn’t. It’s just not the right time yet. Hold fast.

    (The beach/ by the water is my favorite place to pray & ponder. Good choice.)
    God Bless.

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