A Midnight Defiance…


31 For the Lord will not cast off for ever: 32 But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies.

In my last post I mentioned suicidal thoughts.  These aren’t new to me.  I’m not sure how many of my readers have considered (or are currently considering) suicide, but if you are, or maybe if you’ve stumbled here by chance after searching the web for reasons to live, then hear brutal honesty from a man who’s sick and tired of the truisms and emotionally-distant talking-points flooding our society about this topic:

Faith really is the issue.

I know how that sounds.  How can it be that simple?  I’d get mad anytime someone suggested it.  “Of COURSE I believe God exists!” I’d tell people.  How could I not?  The problem, though, is even demons believe God exists.  A suicidal man may believe God exists, he just doesn’t believe God cares.  He doesn’t believe God is willing to interfere in the world on his behalf or on behalf of justice.

So, dear reader, look deep inside and ask yourself: if you really have no hope in God then why not pull the trigger?  That’s where you’ll find your faith.  That’s where I found mine.  I discovered a mustard seed sized belief that God wasn’t done with me; that I had work left to do.  When it came down to it, I realized I still had faith that God might do something big in my life.


I read a post on Cambria Will Not Yield suggesting Shakespeare was a greater philosopher than Immanuel Kant.  At the time, I was taken with philosophy.  Reared in the Presbyterian tradition, I was characteristically devout in studying systematics and spent hours working through analytic philosophy and theology.  I made a name for myself as a Christian apologist, debating philosophy majors and uppity God-haters of all stripes.  As quaint as I thought CWNY’s commentary was, I could never admit Kant was outdone by a playwright.

That was before the “slings and arrows” of life forced me to look beyond intellectual parlor games to find my mustard seed of Faith.  Now I’d only venture to disagree with CWNY in that, in my current state of mind, I feel it’d be an insult to accuse Shakespeare of being a philosopher at all.  To tie him in with that bunch is a heavy charge.  Of course, if we’re going to compare them, Shakespeare is the greater philosopher.  He skipped all the nonsense about transcendental idealism or pure and practical reason, choosing instead to answer that timeless question: “to be or not to be?”

I’ve suffered many defeats in my life and few victories.  My people are defined by tragedy, suffering, and loss (I’m speaking of southerners).  The whole of antique-European culture is “gone with the wind”, leaving behind a legacy of descent.  If there was ever a time white boys needed to pick up their Hamlet and read, it’s now.

To be or not to be?

What was Hamlet’s answer?

“O, from this time forth,
My thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth!”


In light of Hamlet’s resolution and its unique applicability to my life, I’ll be taking a break from blogging for awhile.  I need time to fast and pray and focus on my spiritual health as well as plan for a future that may very well include rash acts of heroism.

Fare thee all well, for now.

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5 Responses to A Midnight Defiance…

  1. Kant like all transcendentalists try to see their illusions through the works of words. The transcendent cannot be seen with eyes or grasped by mere mortals. Eternity is incomprehensible to those who flicker in and out of existence with ephemeral lives that go by a little longer than fruit flies. The transcendent can only be glimpsed through tragedy and heartbreak. One cannot truly appreciate Love until your heart has been broken. One does not appreciate Life until someone you love dies and goes out from your life forever. Philosophers try in vain to define the undefineable that only the Gods can truly see from their High Perches of the High Heavens beyond the Stars. Like all men of false pride and hubris, they build Towers of Babel to try to reach what they cannot see but ever long for beyond the veil of tears and the endless mists of time. That High heaven can only be seen by those who toil and suffer for the sake of man and God. A reward by a loving All-Father for grateful children who use their lives in an appropriate way and do not waste it chasing illusions and false rewards like gold and lust.

  2. Yeah – I don’t trust a martial arts teacher who has no scars or scuffed knuckles.

    …nor do I trust Evangelicals who’ve never left the reservation.

  3. Alan J. Perrick says:


    No, I do believe that there is a difference between a story-teller and a philosopher. A philosopher is considerably more “meta”, or apt to giving a behind-the-scenes or even nuts-and-bolts description of why and how, wheras the story teller makes his living on the what and who, more fleshed out for easier entertainment. Comparing Misters Kant and Shakespeare is also not good because Mr. Kant and his writings came many decades later and so had to have more of that intellectual pride that has been killing the world since the so-called Enlightenment period.

    If you read “Jim’s Blog”, at Blog.Jim.Com you’ll see him writing of the British colonies and innovation coming from a glorified period of Restoration Anglicanism, 1660 A.D. and it’s a hobby of mine to give a pro-white and Christian perspective at his blog. So, If I were looking for a good philosopher around the time of Will Shakespeare, I would probably go right to prominent Anglican Christian theologians, as theology is part of philosophy. The martyred Archbishop Thomas Cranmer did excellent work in the original Book of Common Prayer, and I like the Lawes of Ecclesiastical Politie from the Rev. Richard Hooker. Likewise I would bet that there are a few very Reformed or “Calvinist” type theologians who are inspirational (FaithAndHeritage.com) .


  4. Ken says:

    “Faith really is the issue.”

    Thank you. I think I needed to see this post tonight. I read your previous post first and also left a comment there. Came over from “Alternative Right” to see what you had to say about the attacks on the flag.

    Hard times in these days. I’ve just about given up on this country. Seems set in stone that we’re in for some truly hard times.

    Recently, a couple of weeks ago, I lost a longtime job when a coworker asked me about what I thought of the motivations of the Charleston shooter. I don’t know what I was thinking when I gave him an honest answer. I even went further and broke out a literal back of the paycheck envelope calculation of where my taxes went. I showed him the exact dollar amount I’ve spent so far this year and declared it a “black tax”.

    I got fired for that term. “Black tax”.

    Roughly 8% of my income went to redistribution welfare for the 13% of blacks. Roughly 8% goes to the other 87% of the population. And that’s only 62% of federal alone, not including state or local or the other 38% of federal.

    Did it matter to the owners that I recieved a reply of, “ya’ll motherfuckers owe us for slavery!”? And then he squared up to fight? Nope. They’re scared whites who after years of winking to me as I would challenge the current zeitgeist, after years of private conversations about politics that they would pull me off of work to discuss, revealed themselves to be no friends of mine nor of the truth.

    I should have known better, time and place and all that, but damn it, I hate the lies we have to abide by just to do a damn job.

    Now my name has gone out to area employers as someone who was fired for “discrimination”. Irony of ironies, I’m on a fucking black list!

    Hah. I’m laughing now, but every day I viscilitate from anger to despair. I don’t know how to fill my time now that I’m not spending fifty to sixty hours a week working.

    As the nation crumbles into a hideous blend of rainbow sin and blatant in your face Satanic lies, I just have to remember and work on: FAITH.

    Oh, I could really use a job too! Heh. Idle hands and all that…


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