I’ve just read Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein and maybe not surprisingly to some of you, I identify more with the monster than its creator.  I didn’t lose hope for Frankenstein when he blindly pursued his eccentric hobby, that was a mistake he may have avoided if he were older and wiser.  And to his credit, when he first sees the monster, he immediately realizes how terrible his creation is.  But when he allows a family friend to be executed for a murder committed by the monster, that’s when I lost all admiration for him.

As to the monster, he was so close to life, society, and happiness, but had it snatched from him at the last minute, leaving him a brooding, hate-filled mass, bent on destruction.  And I identify more with him?  Well, my life has been a long fall from status into passive irrelevance and with every new unanswered prayer, I get more and more bitter.  Deprive me, Lord, but at least let it be for a purpose!  As it is, my life’s on a meaningless path.

One thing the monster didn’t try, and that was hedonism.  Is all the bitterness and anger towards his creator any more satisfying that the tiniest social necessities he longed for?  I think he found out, too late, they were not.  He ought to have crawled into a dark part of the Swiss forest and contented himself with sunsets and roots the rest of his life and maybe hope that the human part of him that desired love, companionship, and some semblance of a normal life, would eventually wither away and die in the wilderness.

Necessity has forced me to accept a horrible job working for the state; it’s fraught with abnormally long hours and dangers on all sides.  I’ve seen more of the dark underbelly of society in the past week than I hoped ever to see in a lifetime (there are no Dostoyevskys in *this* house of the dead).  It’s affected me so much I’m afraid I’ve been both unable and unwilling to post here.  All of my intellectual pursuits seem trivial and no longer interest me.  I always thought God had instilled a great desire of learning in me for a reason and that all the time, effort, and money I’ve put into my self education was leading up to some grand purpose.  Now, I discover it wasn’t and that it was all for nothing.


I wont have the stomach to write any kind of post, story, poem, or song, for many weeks, readers.  I hope you forgive the hiatus and I pray that when I do return, it’ll be with a better heart…

…(will that prayer be treated like all my others?  Probably.)

This entry was posted in General. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Hiatus…

  1. Fr. John+ says:

    “Now, I discover it wasn’t and that it was all for nothing.”

    Pardon me for quoting a trite saying, but ‘God doesn’t make junk.’
    This is the devil speaking to you Shotgun. Working for the Antichrist? How foolish can you be? NO WONDER you are at a low ebb. You cannot wallow with pigs (or unclean races) and not get up soiled.

    Work at your job for six months to a year, then decide to move someplace like Idaho, where at least the people are White, Real, and freer of the Moloch State than where you are, at present. NEVER GIVE UP PRAYER. Also, go to a DIFFERENT church, if the Deformed have betrayed you. Lord knows, after reading the post over at Faith and Heritage:


    I am no longer surprised that you don’t ‘fit’ among such reprobates. THIS IS A GREAT TRYING TIME FOR THIS COUNTRY. Obama has brought down God’s wrath, and only the Elect are ‘feeling it’ (‘it was the worst of times’) at present; whereas, for the Brucie Jenners, the Eric ‘my people’ Holders, and the Norman Lears (still malevolent at 93!) it is ‘the best of times’.

    Do not be discouraged. Take Heart, for God will not leave or abandon His Elect, who cry to Him day and night, saying: “How Long, O Lord, How Long?” Peace and mercy from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ rest upon you, young man.

  2. Capt. John A. Snyder says:

    God Bless you Shotgun…..

  3. Hans Gygax says:

    My family’s love and prayers go out to you, brother.

  4. Johnny B. Goode says:

    “I always thought God had instilled a great desire of learning in me for a reason and that all the time, effort, and money I’ve put into my self education was leading up to some grand purpose. Now, I discover it wasn’t and that it was all for nothing.”

    I understand that sentiment *perfectly*. I have gone through it myself, and still wrestle with it in phases, especially at this time of year when it gets dark so early in the day. I call it the Ecclesiastes syndrome (and that’s not a book you want to read when you’re feeling down, at least not without making it all the way to Solomon’s summary of his epiphany). I take vitamin D to help with the sound deprivation. I am not anywhere near Alaska nor are you, but I am told by a doctor that Alaskans, on account of their even shorter winter days, take vitamin D more than anyone else in the States.

    As for the sentiment you expressed above, try to remember that it was not “all for nothing.” We who are in Christ do what we do for His glory – to Him, and for Him, because He deserves it.

    If a man composes great music – the most noble, transcendent, beautiful and sublime of symphonies, but he lives in a world that could not care less, the man will surely be disappointed. But it was not all for nothing, if he did to God’s glory in the first place. Man’s validation is not necessary when we are seeking to glorify our Creator.

    • Hans Gygax says:

      Good words Johnny. I’ve experience this in a similar manner also. God brought a family into our lives to minister to, and they became good friends with us. God was working in their hearts and they were very close to giving their lives to Christ. God was working miracles the whole way through. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, they stopped talking to us.

      The thoughts that came into our minds were, “It was all for nothing”… Why did you do this God? We wasted our time. But then we remembered Bill Gothard’s “Death of a Vision” principle that God uses quite frequently. We know God isn’t through with this family yet and that in his perfect timing, he will be glorified. In the meantime, we need to set our hearts to be content that we are serving the LORD and loving him, and let that be enough for us. God can see the big picture, but we cannot. These are the opportunities to exercise real faith.

  5. Chris the Anglo-Saxon says:

    Hey praying for you brother! There are a lot of our people who are going through similar things right now. Praying for encouragement for you. The Lord has promised to be with you, even in this dark time.
    “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
    “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

    You have been a great encouragement to us all, and have very bravely shared the heart of the Southern man here before all. I thank God for your witness and for your passion for the European Christian peoples. God bless you brother!

  6. Bro. Knot says:

    I started an hour ago with your latest blog post (late June 2016) and I’m still reading. The fall from status to irrelevance; the frustration in not knowing God’s purpose for your life; the inability to find a church or congregation, friends and women that relate with, or even accept, your kinist principles…the only difference between us, it seems, is that you’re a better physical specimen at 30-something (I’m 37). I’ve allowed myself to deteriorate quite a bit due to knee arthritis and general malaise. Was a lawyer, hated it, hated the lifestyle – the ethos or lack thereof – now I’ve been virtually unemployed for years and unable to commit to anything, anywhere, through a singular lack of vision. I desire God and to do His Will but I can’t imagine what that is. Or rather, the only thing I ever wanted to be was an actor, but I have trouble imagining myself serving God in that capacity…and it seems like a hopeless profession for reprobates. Anyway, I enjoy your words and am going back to reading through your old posts now.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s