During my early morning browsing I saw Donald Trump would be in SC for a campaign rally. “Well, hot dog! I’m close enough to make that” I thought; and since it was shaping up to be a beautiful day, I decided to go for it.
A few hours later, I was at the convention center in Myrtle Beach. No stuffy political event was this – it looked like a rock concert. Police were everywhere. Gangs of pedestrians holding signs and flags filed across the busy street. I had to park a half mile away. When I finally made it to the building, there was a huge crowd out front waiting to get in. A man was passing out anti-Israeli flyers. “This bodes well,” I thought.
I sauntered up like I belonged. No one could tell I was a Christian counter-revolutionary who hated democracy so they took me in as one of their own. A pretty young lady with blond hair got in behind me. It looked like she was attending with her mom. “This gets better and better” I was thinking.
“How long have you been a Trump supporter?” she asked.
“Err…ever since I learned about his immigration views” I said.
“Do you have a family?” she asked.
“Why, as a matter of fact, I’m single,” says I.
“Well, you wouldn’t want your children growing up in a third world country.”
“No ma’am; I wouldn’t want that for anyone’s children.”
“Well,” she continued, “…if you ever do think about having a family, you’ll want to be careful in choosing a wife. Divorce rates are so high these days. You never know who to trust…”
…as I was standing there, mouth agape, trying to figure out what sort of miracle from Heaven I was experiencing, the TSA security agents ushered me to the scanner and commanded me to empty my pockets. And that’s when everything went to Hell, because, you see ladies and gents, I was carrying concealed.
Apparently, the Donald doesn’t feel comfortable about legally armed Americans. “YOU! You!! Stop RIGHT THERE!!!” Talk about humiliating…and right in front of the pretty girl who had stunned me with her hint of anti-feminism.
I was unceremoniously kicked out of the building, my head still reeling, my cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment, just in time to meet some feminist harpy who had also been carrying. She was yelling at anyone and everyone who passed about her treatment at the hands of Trump’s security. I could feel her pain even though I wished she’d shut up about it.
…she met up with the old baby-boomer passing out anti-Israeli flyers and the two got into a heated argument.
I left, head down, intent on finding a place to pray and ask repentance for almost voting in an American election.