~ All are born Yankees to the race of men, and this too now, the country of the damned. ~ Allen Tate
I didn’t know it but apparently I’m not competent to speak about issues between the sexes unless I get married first. Since issues between the sexes take up a lot of space here at Shotgun Barrel Straight, and since the world is blossoming with new growth all around me and crying out for hopeless love, (and since I’m under intense pressure from my happily-married friends), I decided to try remedying the situation by joining one of those dating websites.
I joined against my better judgment, mind you. Still, I didn’t want to bias the experiment with preconceived cynicism so I went into it with an open mind, intending to take the process seriously. Plus, I thought it’d be interesting to see what sort of women NC is producing lately.
Apparently, a lot of women find me attractive at a glance. Unfortunately, owing to the layout of the website, they’re able to add me to their favorites before reading what I’ve had to say about myself. Once they do, the “likes” start mysteriously disappearing. One by one, “bloop,” and they’re gone. What? All I said was that I love the South, hate modernity, that I’m “ultra-conservative”, and that if a woman boasts about how much she doesn’t need a man then she shouldn’t apply because I don’t need her either.
The majority of them *do* boast about that:
“I’m a proudly independent and career driven woman. I spend most of my time at work, so, I just want someone to have fun with. Oh and I have a nappy-headed mixed child you had better love, or else. Also, I love sports, go UNC!!”
…as if NC men are interested in little dudes with makeup.
We’re not, by the way.
Or are we? Maybe I should say, “I’m not” but that the majority of both men and women in NC have lost their ever-loving minds? This especially applies to any single woman living in the Raleigh metro area. I’m convinced they’re all lunatics.
After a few days of this nonsense, I considered my old, face-to-face-styled agrarian philosophy to have won the day. But it does make a man cynical about relationships in general. That site doesn’t encompass all NC ladies by any means, but it does represent a large chunk of them. It’s a big enough sample to represent the general trend, I’m sure. And if that’s really the case, then my prospects don’t look good at all, unfortunately.
Is it so hard to find a woman who wants to work on a sustainable family farm the rest of her life? A life of comfort (if not luxury), but one rich with love and life experiences? A life surrounded by emus, llamas, cows, goats, chickens, rabbits, great danes, and a half-dozen (or more) children running around in the front yard? One replete with everything from sustainable energy to front porch swings and poetry on Saturday nights?! Is that so terrible?
…oh, and she’d occasionally find herself supporting her husband as he wages total, unrelenting war on the Devil, but that shouldn’t be too bad, all told.
But, yeah…I don’t like sports, I don’t have a masters degree, and I have a repulsive worldview. You can keep your partying and your nightlife and your negro-fandom, NC ladies. They’ll serve you well until you’re in your mid-thirties and ready to settle down and start a family.