Shotgun vs. All NC Women


~ All are born Yankees to the race of men, and this too now, the country of the damned. ~ Allen Tate

I didn’t know it but apparently I’m not competent to speak about issues between the sexes unless I get married first. Since issues between the sexes take up a lot of space here at Shotgun Barrel Straight, and since the world is blossoming with new growth all around me and crying out for hopeless love, (and since I’m under intense pressure from my happily-married friends), I decided to try remedying the situation by joining one of those dating websites.

I joined against my better judgment, mind you. Still, I didn’t want to bias the experiment with preconceived cynicism so I went into it with an open mind, intending to take the process seriously. Plus, I thought it’d be interesting to see what sort of women NC is producing lately.

Apparently, a lot of women find me attractive at a glance. Unfortunately, owing to the layout of the website, they’re able to add me to their favorites before reading what I’ve had to say about myself. Once they do, the “likes” start mysteriously disappearing. One by one, “bloop,” and they’re gone. What? All I said was that I love the South, hate modernity, that I’m “ultra-conservative”, and that if a woman boasts about how much she doesn’t need a man then she shouldn’t apply because I don’t need her either.

The majority of them *do* boast about that:

“I’m a proudly independent and career driven woman. I spend most of my time at work, so, I just want someone to have fun with. Oh and I have a nappy-headed mixed child you had better love, or else. Also, I love sports, go UNC!!”

…as if NC men are interested in little dudes with makeup.

We’re not, by the way.

Or are we? Maybe I should say, “I’m not” but that the majority of both men and women in NC have lost their ever-loving minds? This especially applies to any single woman living in the Raleigh metro area. I’m convinced they’re all lunatics.

After a few days of this nonsense, I considered my old, face-to-face-styled agrarian philosophy to have won the day. But it does make a man cynical about relationships in general. That site doesn’t encompass all NC ladies by any means, but it does represent a large chunk of them. It’s a big enough sample to represent the general trend, I’m sure. And if that’s really the case, then my prospects don’t look good at all, unfortunately.

Is it so hard to find a woman who wants to work on a sustainable family farm the rest of her life? A life of comfort (if not luxury), but one rich with love and life experiences? A life surrounded by emus, llamas, cows, goats, chickens, rabbits, great danes, and a half-dozen (or more) children running around in the front yard? One replete with everything from sustainable energy to front porch swings and poetry on Saturday nights?! Is that so terrible?

…oh, and she’d occasionally find herself supporting her husband as he wages total, unrelenting war on the Devil, but that shouldn’t be too bad, all told.

But, yeah…I don’t like sports, I don’t have a masters degree, and I have a repulsive worldview. You can keep your partying and your nightlife and your negro-fandom, NC ladies. They’ll serve you well until you’re in your mid-thirties and ready to settle down and start a family.

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6 Responses to Shotgun vs. All NC Women

  1. Junius Daniel says:

    Mr. Terry,
    Some advice from a Tarheel, on Tarheel women? The best place to meet the kind of woman you are looking for is in a big country church – at least 30 miles away from away city larger than 10,000 inhabitants.

    Secondly, as you are not a native to our state, let me let you in on this : In the Tarheel state, since the early 17th century, it has been the fashion to consider serious talk and deep inner revelation to be the Antichrist, in the first several months of knowing someone.

    Further, politicks, when not walking to a polling place, is seen as bad form.

    So, what to do?

    Christian country girls, who are professionals, will be serious enough to handle you, if you do not scare them off by hinting that you’re in the Klan, at least in the mind:)

    Go to a church, and, if you are satisfied with the female population, just return regularly, without making a move on any of them. Let them make the moves on you – Tarheel women generally like being allowed to do the initial hunting and pecking.

    When it gets ridiculously obvious, ask her out on a date, and share the funny side, the musical side, and the entertaining side of yourself, with her.

    No death, Dostoevsky, or the Ides of March, until she is throwing herself at you. Then, you can show her your purple hood and robes with the green dragon on top!

    On the other hand, once she is in love with you, you can share your political side with her, and she might even adopt your ways. Carolina girls are funny that way.

    Just as in musick, timing is everything. Be forthright, BUT, but be gentle – wait a while.

  2. Junius Daniel says:

    Dear Mr. Terry,
    I read you story, and enjoyed it roundly. That said, you ‘view’ of them Knights was not clear to me. Lacking anything to go on, I’ll give you mine…

    Straggling veterans, who returned home from the Army of Northern Virginia, and the North Carolina home defence forces gradually gathered together in what were then termed, Hunting Clubs, and Scarlet Knights.
    They warned the invading Union Leagues and carpetbaggers that, if they were to stay in the Rip Van Winkle State, they could do so, only if they accepted things as they were. Naturally, the Yankees were unable to do that, they, as always, busily involved in reshaping everyone but themselves, and, thus, intent on using a coalition of working white poor and the newly enfranchised negro to reform the state according to their will.
    They, and many who followed the rabble-rousing Yankee lead, were, betwixt 1865-1868 fittingly hung, burned, shot, or run out of the state, nevermore to be seen by Southron eyes – until the state was completely back in our hands.
    This was a bitter thorn in the eye of the Yankee government, because, essentially, it took away all but a semblance of the victory that they had thought they won over us, during the years 1861-1865.
    Gradually over time, these groups became collectively known as the Kl-n, and they exercised a very important function in this Tarheel land – and that was to keep the unruly young negro male in line, on the straight and narrow, and contributing to society through a godly labour, instead of, as is the Yankee government’s wont, rotting away, in their masses, in jail.
    That was why, when I was a child in Raleigh, you could walk through the negro neighbourhoods and not worry. Negroes did not worry, either, because they were, in those times, generally industrious, god-fearing, homeowners, and busy keeping themselves up – they owning and running practically every store on Hargett, McDowell, and Martin Streets, or engaged as domesticks for us.
    When the klan was marginalized, in the 1960s and 70s, by illegal interference from the Yankee government, that, along with the new Great Society’, let loose a terrible wind of lassitude, inconsequentiality, permissiveness in the negro community, and, well … you know the rest of the story.
    Today, however, the Inv … ble Empire is rebounding and growing, in the Tarheel State, because it remains the sole civick organization, grounded in our local customs, for addressing issues that have fallen apart, under the Yankee occupation and their compliant appeasing hirelings at the State Capital, and for forming a resistant mind to alien intruders and those, of the Yankee government, who would continue to subjugate us, for both their own satisfaction and for their unseen masters.
    At no time, since the War of the Reconstruction, has there been a greater need for upright white Tarheels, to be in their local kl-n, than now. This IS our militia, both of the mind, body, & soul.

    That is my opinion. I apologize if it seems ‘hatefully antique’ to you. my wife kids me that The Good lord has put me in the wrong century.


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