1 If you think the building in the picture is attractive.
2 If you believe in Darwinian evolution and think anyone who doesn’t is intellectually inferior.
3. (On that same note), you might be a modernist if you are in the habit of talking about science as if science were a person: “…but, but, Science says x,y, and z on that subject!” This is often followed by phrases like “what we now know…”; you also may be prone to citing statistics often, regardless of how the statistical data was obtained. That it was obtained and that it supports your ideals is all that matters.
4. If you’re passionate about voting and have a strong, intuitive distaste for anyone who suggests working outside accepted political avenues. Additionally, you’re a modernist if you think state officials must be immediately complied with in all matters.
5. If you constantly refer to those who agree with your ideals by some title: brother, comrade, compatriot, etc. and define your self-identity according to the same ideals, e.g.: “I’m a Fundamentalist Baptist and you are too, brother!” Or, “I’m a Clarkian, transubstantiationist, supralapsarian, Reformed Presbyterian Church in the U.S. congregant!”
6. If, when looking for a spouse, you vet whomever you meet based on how similar their ideological views are to yours. How pretty or smart she is doesn’t matter; what matters is if she agrees with x,y, and z doctrines in the organizational handbook. “Can you affirm what John Calvin says on page 217 of the Institutes? If not, we can’t be together.”
7. If you were government schooled, listened to the radio, and watched television all throughout your formative years.
8. If you’ve ever tried to solve any of the Christian paradoxes using the tools of analytic philosophy (or, if you’ve ever tried to do the same for the secular equivalences of the Christian paradoxes, ie: the one and the many, etc.).
9. If you claim to love nature but never spend any time with her.
10. You might be a modernist if your favorite time in history, or if your favorite heroes, existed any time after 1900.
As is usually the case ladies and gentlemen, please don’t worry if one, two, or even three of these may apply to you. All of us, after all, had to grow up in a modernist world and there’s no shame in admitting we’ve been affected by it. It doesn’t mean you’re a modernist in spirit. Although, some of you reading this may recognize yourselves and your attitudes herein displayed and proudly accept the title.
“You can’t turn back the clock, Shotgun!”
Ironically, thanks to the modernists, once a year, in the fall, we do exactly that.