An Update…


Bullet point style:

  • Some of you may have seen an article I posted concerning the Alternative Right hierarchy. If you’re wondering where it is, I pulled it. It wasn’t well written and after reflection, my observations weren’t important enough to warrant nose-diving into another squabble.
  • On that, I think when the moon is at a certain phase, I get the itch to write but get too fuzzy-headed to say anything clearly. My theory (I’ve laid out elsewhere) is that this is caused by an imbalance in my “microbiome” which can only be cured by fasting. After week-long fasts, the symptoms disappear for months before slowly creeping back. I have to fast a full 25 to 30 days before being completely cured.
  • On that, as my readers know, I’m in the worst financial crisis of my life and had to start an impromptu fast owing to lack of money. I suppose it’s legitimate to say God helped me out of this, at least temporarily; on the other hand, the “help” I got wasn’t what I consider honorable. Makes you wonder if God cares a lick for human honor or dignity? I believe He has to. Whatever the case, He can do whatever He wants from now on. I’ll no longer be relying on Him for anything and will offer only those fluffy Evangelical prayers for vacuous things like “comfort”. They don’t require Him to do anything real in a person’s life. I’ve always thought those prayers were weak because they’re safe. A person can pray them all his life and rest comfortably knowing he has the ability to slur events to always get an answered prayer, without fear of unanswered ones. But I want a Lord who reigns; not a deistic, impersonal, feeling-we-tell-stories-about-on-Sundays.
  • On that, I know the above is wrong, so forgive me. I’m just angry right now and I have to work through it by letting off steam to the world. I do have faith, deep down, that God wants the best for me, even when He leaves me no clear option to avoid dishonorable temptations. I’ll write something inspirational about faith later on, in a few days. Right now I just wish God would let me find a nest of those damned otters.
  • My writing direction here, in general, will turn towards more of a “lifestyle” blog or journal. I know, I know. I’m not a teen-aged girl struggling to become a young woman, so no one will care about my life or my daily struggles. That’s fine. I’ve never expected to have a large audience anyway. I think, though, a good writer is able to see greatness in the mundane things. Here’s a chance to use my favorite C.S. Lewis quote:

    …no man would find an abiding strangeness on the moon unless he were the sort of man who could find it in his own back garden.

  • Additionally, while I have zero hope of making money with my writing, I’ve always wanted to write a novel. Only problem is, when I sit down to write, I immediately realize how bad I am at it. Please note: the “Best of Shotgun” category, in the menu list  there to your right, contains what I consider my best work. Anything in that category is subject to constant revisions and re-writes. “Writing”, says Zinsser, “…is hard.” And anything good, unless we’re Lewis, must be written and re-written. But that still leaves me here, unable to start a novel.
  • I’ve heard it said that the more one reads and the more one writes, the better one gets at writing. I’ve noticed that’s true. If you happen to read my old material (which I really don’t suggest you try), you’ll notice a marked improvement. I figure I’ll take the “100” challenge. I promise myself, the world, and all my readers, that 100 blog posts from now (if I can manage to write that many decent ones) and 100 read books from now, I’ll write a fictional novel, no matter how lowly I think of myself and how undeserving I feel I am to try such a thing. If that sounds like a lot, consider I usually go through a few hundred in a year, so I might only be looking at a few months of hard work?

…it’s not like God’s given me anything else to do.

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2 Responses to An Update…

  1. Hans Gygax says:

    Sometimes when we say “honor” or “dignity” we really mean “pride”. Our refusal to humble ourselves will destroy us and thwart God’s plan to use us for his glory. God help us learn the lessons he is seeking to teach us through repeated attempts. Whom the LORD loves, he chastens.


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