(7) Do You Even LARP Bro?!


Andy Nowicki, ever the controversialist, is one of the few Alt.Right personalities with the courage to analyze and critique trends. In a recent Facebook post, he exclaimed how underenthused he was with repetitive Alt. Right lingo. A based claim, tbqh fam. Anyone who says otherwise is LARPing, right lads? See? I can do it too. It’s that last one – the “LARPing” – I’ll discuss in this post, mostly because I’m often accused of it.

An old codger, for example, attacked me out of the blue on Twitter for no apparent reason, then uncharitably blocked me after my friend and I made every effort to answer his questions with honest and forthright civility. Later, with Christian virtue and patience, I tried to patch things up with the guy only to have him accuse me of “LARPing” because I’m in the habit of standing up for women who’ve been publicly insulted. LARPing as an old Southerner enamored with gone-with-the-wind social mores, apparently.

LARPing, for the uninitiated, stands for “Live Action Role Playing”, a pastime of fantasy enthusiasts who take to vacant lots with foam weapons and make believe powers. They fight each other according to an agreed upon set of rules; when an appendage is hit with a foam weapon, that unfortunate has lost his arm and must continue the game with it behind his back. This was popularized during the “nerd” phase of American pop-cultural obsession through various documentaries and appearances in sitcoms and even a popular comedy “Role Models” starring Paul Rudd. Consequently, this spawned a series of LARP memes, where hopeless dorks, nerds, and social outcasts are said to live out their fantasies in ostentatious games of pretend, because, let’s face it, they’ll never amount to anything in actual society.

Ever the connoisseurs of memeology, Alternative Right pundits acquired the idea and began applying it to those unfortunates who live out their internalized ideals of ethics and social mores, but whom, it’s suggested, are really normal people unable to hack it in the real world. Some, for example, claim to be pagans and dress in old Norse garb. They’re not actually pagans though; they’re dressing up to fulfill fantasy desires – they’re “LARPing.”

This terminology has been helpful in Alt. Right commentary, as far as it goes, but I’m worried it’s being used as a way to force conformity with contemporary social mores. The Alt. Right, after all (and as I’ve noted elsewhere), is built on government school norms and habits. Swearing, profanity, talk of all sorts of gritty sexual practices, and all manner of filth, are the norm for a typical Alt. Righter. They’d feel at home in a gas station bathroom stall, seeing their ideals splayed on the walls with all the pluck and wit they could desire, even down to the swastikas and racial epithets. They’ve learned these social mores in government school and I’m afraid they simply don’t realize these patterns of action have been imposed on us, especially in the South, through force of arms.

It’s true, I was also government schooled. That’s why I can recognize the social mores when I see them. But by the grace of God, help from a group of friends, and a lot of hard work, I’ve rejected those mores. Also, reading George Orwell while hiding in the library from the feral packs of negros I was forced into contact with, I witnessed tyranny so awful that my…well, my soul rebelled against it. After Winston Smith had his face put in the rat cage, I swore, then and there, I’d never allow any man or group of men to impose their will over me; damn the consequences. Call it a stubborn streak made of iron, but from that point on, I refused, EVER, to allow society to dictate to me how I was to act, dress, and live.

But if not the fallen, decrepit, government schooled world, then who? After all, and despite what the Reformed pastors will tell us, we don’t perform a series of rational calculations every single time before acting. Rather, we act according to an accepted pattern of social mores and norms. If we don’t learn them from government school, or if we’ve rejected those, where do we turn?

I turned to the older mores of my Southern ancestors. Fortunately for me, there was still enough of them lingering around for me to soak them up naturally, along side my government indoctrination. These old mores were passed to us from the old Europeans and are all that’s left of the code of chivalry.

Call me a “LARPer” for holding to these mores if you will – I think you’ll find that, when push comes to shove, I’m not playing around about them. I really mean it: you will not swear and talk of disgusting sexual things when there’s a lady present and I have the means to stop it. And by God, Satan will not walk slickly through the modern tulips without stepping on at least one fit-to-be-tied southern sandspur. Mark my word on that. (For those raised in the government schools, when a Southern man gives his word on something, that has a deep and profound mark of truth).

I “LARP”…but as a government schooled, average American. I do this to get by in the world. But at night, when I’m home and the pressures of clandestine conformity fall away, by the God I serve, I’m a southern man, with all the chivalry inherent to the class.

…for the southerners reading this, make sure it’s not the other way around for you: A government schooled kid who LARPs occasionally as a southerner, with all sorts of head knowledge about a battle here, a fight there, an inflection yonder…

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2 Responses to (7) Do You Even LARP Bro?!

  1. Kirk Forlatt says:

    You’re a congenital, compulsive liar (not surprising, given the other parts of your public pathology). Your description of your “honest and forthright civility” in the Twitter exchange was, to say the least, entertaining. To say the most, it was just more lies. You really do have trouble with reality and truth, don’t you? This doubtless contributed to your early and unplanned exit from the American Navy. You’re hung on this idea of LARPing….let me help you. I accused you of white-knighting. Meaning you’re a [redacted] misanthrope who’s awkward with women and who is willing to fight someone for some [redacted] you don’t even have a real-life relationship with. White knight. Got it? I know it stings, but not nearly as much as knowing that you give women the creeps and they don’t want to have anything to do with you beyond the friendzone. Perhaps when you’re back from your next fasting trek into the wilderness or writing your next suicide note, you’ll try actually talking to a live woman. Perhaps you can meet one in church! There are scads of them in the pews, just waiting for some sex-deprived gerbil to swoop in and save them from…whatever.


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